You should be put on a spit and char broiled if you wear Crocs…perhaps the ugliest footwear thrust upon us by flighty fashion gurus.
Now, I’m willing to make exceptions for children…who look cute in them…but for anyone over fourteen, the wearing of such profanely ugly footwear should be tormented forever by having their butts assaulted by wet tea towels.
My god, the wearers of such grotesque footwear probably think they have something that is both comfortable and ‘cool’…they are half right; they are said to be comfortable.
A worse fashion faux-pas, making hideous Crocs even uglier, is to wear them with socks. I have sadly seen adults sporting Crocs wearing both dress and sport socks…like have they given up on life? Have they said, “I’ve got nothing going for me anyway? I’m going to let myself go, Lord take me now!”
And please tell me why a woman (like my Brenda) would spend a fortune on her gorgeously dainty feet by having them massaged, painted and tenderly gussified, and then display them in frightful Crocs?
No, I’m not planning an unfortunate accident for the love of my life because she only wears her dopey footwear while gardening…but…if she starts wearing them out, then I may have to arrange to have her run down by a near-sighted ninety year old driver…high on a mixture of Merlot and Viagra!
My best friend Bob has a lime green set of those ugly foot accoutrements but I wont need to kill him because his wife Pearl is on the verge most every day of choking the life out of him; it’s only a matter of time you see.
Anyway, to close out the Croc segment, you are worse than a dork, a dweeb or a Porn star with erectile dysfunction if you continue to wear horrid Crocs.
And seriously, I’m only joshing about killing my wife and others who sport that shameless footwear…at least not until we kill all the lawyers and kitties first; sorry Bubbles!
While I’m at it, baseball caps shouldn’t be worn after September. Yes fall is the cutoff for cap wear and should be taboo afterwards, much like wearing white post summer.
Now I’ll make an exception for truck drivers who’d look stupid without them but the rest of you have to stop this flagrant assault on good taste.
My advice to women is, on Labour Day simply burn your hubbies caps, preferably with your mate not under them…the decision is yours.
Lastly, round up all the teenagers who wear their pants half way down their butt cracks and send them to boot camp or worse to a Justin Beiber concert.
Sadly this grisly fashion trend dates from the ‘fiftes’ when big city guys like my pal Bob had their pants slung as low as their IQ’s.
Bob, curiously still wears his pants low, often displaying a pristine derriere but it’s not his fault; his pants just don’t fit.
And before I go, a dishonourable mention to Tilley hats, unless the wearer happens to be in the Serengeti…rotund girls wearing belly shirts…and sandals with socks…thanks Brits for that one!