Did you know that Jack Layton’s first name is neither Jack nor John? I thought not but I don’t blame him for casting off his less than sexy but ever so pedantic first name and going for a sturdy and popular handle like Jack. You know, good old Jack, salt of the earth Jack…the guy with the every guy name, the guy you’d like to sit down and have a beer with.
Sure sounds a lot better than Seymour doesn’t it?
I know that some in this paper (Scot) get all moist and misty eyed over jocular Jack but would his ‘ordinary guy’ shtick work if he went by Seymour Eustis Layton, his real handle? I think not.
Like who would want to slurp suds with an obviously scholarly lout who drinks chardonnay and eats little cakes and pate with his pinky pointed heavenward?
I think he attended the local rub-and-tug not because he is sexually frustrated but because he heard word was getting out about his real moniker…and also his name…so he wanted to get caught doing what he thought average guys are doing. Are you with my convoluted trail of logic?
Anyway, Jack Layton scored 103 seats…how many could Seymour Layton attain?
In my opinion, Jack should have gone all the way and changed his last name to the pulsating “Hammer.” I’m sure you’d have to agree that Seymour Hammer could have been our PM. Anyway, I’ll not be happy until I see less of Seymour.
Next did you know that Chris Rock was actually a struggling ‘B’ movie dramatic actor before he hit it big on Saturday Night Live? Yes, his original stage name was Chris Van Pebbles but when he decided to jump start his career by switching to comedy he hit it big, being an instant success on Saturday Night Live. As fame grew he needed a name change and decided on Chris Rock.
Ah, from the little Pebble grew the powerful Rock. Interesting isn’t it?
While we’re at it, I have also been told by a local reprobate in a bowler hat that Jimm Hillis was actually dubbed Jimmm at birth. Now why he dropped the third ‘n’ I’ll never know. I think it’s about time he came out of the closet on this one… in a hetero-sexual way and explained himself. Some say his real name is Ginn but that doesn’t explain why he only drinks beer.
While I’m at it, Marvin was not Gaye but straight…..not that there’s anything wrong with Gaye!
And lets see Brian Wilson was born Brian Cramp. School pals however, cruelly swapped the vowels in Brian around and dubbed him ‘Brain Cramp’…hence the change.
Now lets see, Sid Viscous changed the last name to Vicious because ‘Viscou’s was too thick….and Bob Hope changed from Robert Hopewell but I guess if you can’t hope well you shouldn’t hope at all…and Scot Ferguson-Barber is actually going the other way, telling me he is toying with the name “Harry Mullet”. I don’t know about you but I’d never toy with a Harry Mullet.
Oh, I was talking to Facetious Less and told him I was going to change my name to Enormous Lee. Now girls don’t get the wrong idea, I was talking about my enormous humility…even though my shoe size is a prolific 13. Nudge nudge wink-wink, I’ll say no more!
Speaking of my humility; I can’t think of a single person who is humbler than I. Not even Scot who has more to be humble about than any man I know.
I may be wrong but I heard a scurrilous rumour that a certain councilor was born Touchy not Tucci. Personally I could handle Touchy but I’d draw the line at ‘feely’.
Last it’s come to my attention that bi-sexuals are confused by my meanderings; but if they’re confused about what team they’re on how could they not be confused about everything else? Aren’t ya glad you learn stuff when you read Hags?