While many of you are still either rapt in glee or extreme angst about the possibility of Jack for PM, I for one am not.
I know, I know, there’s the big story of Jack ‘maybe’ receiving a happy or may I say joyous ending at a local massage parlour years ago but I for one have moved on to bigger news…..the Royal Wedding.
Now, I really don’t like Liz’s family and am a republican at heart but I can’t get away from the pompous pomp and ceremony surrounding Royal weddings and funerals.
So what follows are the highlights from my warped perspective.
I really could not watch Jeannie Becker go on about who looked fab and who didn’t and I could care less who designed the stupid hats or frocks that were worn by women who have never heard of The Bay or Tar-get (plse use the French pronunciation).
In short, Jeannie looks like an extra from Tim Burton’s Betelgeuse…..a lot freaky and a little scary. Scarier than Layton? Well no, but scary none the less.
Then we had that name-dropping Seamus O’Reagan gushing about an upcoming interview with Elton’s hubby who hails from Toronto….like who cares about Canadian spin at a royal wedding….I mean I thought they were going to mention the Cana-darm and Stompin Tom for a second.
Did anyone notice that Sir Elton seemed lost trying to sing the hymns at the wedding? And if you’re unsure who Sir Elton is, I’ll give you a clue…if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck it must be Sir Elton. His legs are so short that from behind it looks like his ass is dragging on the side walk.
Well anyway, he’s a friend of the family so I should leave him alone.
Next, it was hard not to notice that Kate is a natural beauty but did you notice that her eyebrows were almost as thick as Iggies. And speaking of heavy eyebrows, the Archbishop had his overgrown forest swept up to dizzying heights…if that’s the new trend then include me out.
I Had to admire William’s brother Harry. You can tell by his body language that he loves life, has a sense of humour and is an absolute chick magnet. There is a healthy dollop of the rogue in him which must be appealing to most every woman I know, both young and old.
Oh, and I learned something. I discovered that the Queen does not sing God Save the Queen to herself…though it’s been said she was a fan of the Sex Pistols ‘bloody’ version and has been known to hum it in the shower.
There was also a shot that caught the old girl with her legs opened a little. My thoughts were…are they going in for a close-up, where no man except Phillip has ever gone before? Or would that be in bad form?
Anyway, too bad Fox news wasn’t allowed in ‘cause then we’d have known for sure where Liz gets her knickers.
Hey, the Duke is ninety now…damn but he moves around better than I do and is steadier on his feet than Scot.
What’s a lesser Royal anyway? The commentator showed where they were sitting but nobody could identify even one of them….I guess because they’re lesser after all.
Well, I have a few cousins that I rarely admit to knowing so maybe it’s the same thing for the Windsors. Like there are some who are really royal, regal and beaudacious and then there are the more common Royals, who have little mansions, little millions and little affairs that lack the essential element of depravity.
So to recap, I liked the carriage rides escorted by the Royal Cavalry, I liked the military uniforms, I love the Abbey, the bands and I love the old Queen.
The rest of ‘em however…off with their heads!
P.S. When the Queen struggles to get into the carriage, is there someone who pushes up on the Royal arse in order to get her into ye olde landau? I have practiced this technique on my wife struggling to get into our Caravan and she as been simply delighted to have me thrust her ‘royal arse’ to a higher level. Coming from Galt of course, she’s nobility too.
News flash Jack has been quoted as saying “ yes I got a sensual massage…but I didn’t enjoy it!” And Bill did not have sexual relations with that woman, or inhale!