I muss say, I’m goin mental (ala Ed Grimley), because the second part of my column didn’t start off much better than the first.
No, the step-sister didn’t create another poo-nami, but there was an environmental disaster in the upstairs bathroom that I needed to grudgingly clean up, before heading north to again help my weakened daughter with our delights…Breezy and Hook.
With my adorable wife and the less adorable step-sister already off to work, I went to use the bathroom, to brush and preen before my trek to the Teutonic wilds ofWaterloo. And this time the ‘loo’ was actually filled with water and not toxic waste from a cherished but malodorous relative.
The sink however, was full of fine wee hairs…not the hair that adorns the crown of my beauties head but the kind of hair that clings to more nebulous regions….god help me, I shrieked! Is there a Sasquatch loose in the hood?
Now it wasn’t like just a couple tiny hairs but mega millions, maybe even ga-zillions. I said to myself, ‘I thought I heard the heavy-duty weed-whacker being used today.’
Anyway, poor James cleaned the sink, counter-top and vacuumed the floor, cursed woman-kind, and most any kind of slovenly person who will not kindly clean up after themself.
On the way to Vaterloo (the Germanic variation), I prayed for future deliverance from all women and/or abominable beasts.
On arrival, Brielle was down for a nap but the Captain (Hook) was happily running on the spot, and aching to play pirates with me downstairs.
‘OK me hearty,’ I barked as I swung him onto my wonky back and proceeded down into the bowels…ooh, poor choice of words…into the depths of the pirate kingdom.
One thing has always annoyed me…Hook never lets me enter his Jolly Roger and near freaks if I even touch it.
He then excitedly verbalized his game-plan. ‘Papa, you be Izzie (girl from Neverland Pirates) and I’m Captain Hook. You pee-tend that there’s a fire on the Bucky (my ship) and then call me to come rescue you in my fire truck.
He’s made a flagrant breach of etiquette here, because he’s mixing pirate and fireman games…but I let it slide.
Still trying to get aboard the Jolly Roger, I enthusiastically tried to sell him my idea. ‘Keenan, I know a new game, why don’t you and I both go in the Jolly Roger and I’ll look through the telescope for other pirate ships to chase, then you blast them with your canyons (cannons). What to you think?’
Guess what? He bought it! Into the Jolly Wodger I tumbled and grabbed the scope as the Captain eagerly asks what I see.
Just then the tired momma Lisa and sprightly Brielle entered the room. Mama went to loll wearily on the couch while Breezy make a beeline for our ship, crawling at a near break-neck pace and yelping with delight as she approached her cher papa.
I call out, ‘pirates and mermaids a’starboard captain…fire at will!’ ‘Who’s will papa?’
‘Never mind that, fire at the mermaid…yonder!’
Hook makes several explosive growly sounds as I dive out of the Wodger and rescue the littlest, prettiest mermaid I’ve ever known from certain peril….as she squeals with reckless joy.
She happily wriggles in my arms as I slather her with kisses and near squeeze her to death.
Thank God for giving me a life that may be small and ordinary to some…but is full of magic and beauty to me.
What’s better than going home carrying the sweet scent and memorable joy of time spent with my grand-kids? …and feeling warm, elated and energized all at the same time?
Why do we look far distant, to enormous things like trips to the spectacular Grand Canyon or a lazyCaribbeancruise in order to feel that we’re really alive?
Life can be magical and full, if we can only see the beauty and excitement that’s right in front of our eyes most every day.
Last, Merry Christmas to all who frequent the Citizen. I wish you His peace, joy and eternal comfort.Tags: Captain Hook