Sing a song of Hagarty

By  | May 31, 2011 | 4 Comments | Filed under: Editorial

“I’ll wait in this room, where the shadows run from themselves” is what I crooned along with Cream’s Jack Bruce in a rich tenor voice on that fabulous morning.
With quiet arrogance I pitied those who would be unable to sing the chorus of “White Room” because they’d be unable to reach a run of notes that’d be at least a galaxy out of range for the average frail voice…..sweet fancy Moses and jiggling Jezebel but in that narrow window of time I had all the vocal talent (but none of the deranged sex) of a rock star!
The fact that I sang the usually un-singable chorus (for me) was nothing short of a freakish miracle and how long would this amazing talent be with me, I wondered, as I sang my way home from St. Lukes?
To be honest, I simply awoke (from a sweet dream about Annie Lennox) on that blissful day with a sultry rasp in my throat. The new voice was a trifle fuller and mellower than my usually pedestrian voice…is that the reason I could now hit the once illusive notes; has this happened to you?
On arriving home I gave Neil Young’s “Old Man” a shot and damn, I trilled again in a clear vibrant voice that was eerily like the ‘shaky Young’s’ weirdly appealing sound.
Like wow, I should’ve called an agent and booked a tour, after all, my teenage rock heroes are past sixty and still touring so why not me?…if Brenda would allow such debauchery of course…and if I could somehow stay awake past midnight.
My final test was singing the Beatles’ “I Saw Her Standing There” to see if I could hit Paul’s screeching Wooo at the end of the line “so I’ll never dance with another,” you know, WOO!!
Baby I amazed myself and Mollie next door who was licking her tiny butt while listening intently to my scintillating artistry as were a few disoriented cats.
I spent the rest of the day singing my little heart out and covering everyone from the flamboyant Sir Elton to the spastic Joe Cocker with much success.
Eventually, I was worried that I’d accomplished nothing all day and my Brenda would be vexed at my slothfulness when stuff needed to get done but I decided to ditch housework anyway. If people with real jobs often show up to work but don’t actually do anything then why couldn’t I just ‘mail it in’ for a day?
I was simply giddy about the fact that I wouldn’t have to change keys at church because most songs were too high, I mean now I could simply allow my new voice to rise and soar maybe all the way to heaven.
I also pondered if other gifts awaited me, like will I fall down the stairs (again) knock myself out then awake to understand women’s moods and trigonometry?
A note about trigonometry…I passed this subject but still can’t fathom what the hell it is!
Anyway, while others in the prestigious Citizen will write about dopey stuff like Theatres roundabouts or trains to nowhere, I’ll continue to write about stuff that matters.
P.S. don’t tell Brenda that I took a day off; she’ll not be amused!

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4 Responses to Sing a song of Hagarty

  1. Dixon Parrks June 1, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    And I thought someone had hooked up the old air sirens around town.

  2. Hags June 2, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Dixon,you could be right…but I did sing with much panache and verve…in fact my stylings were young, hip and in your face…much unlike a Barbered Ferguson named Scot…who is dour, conservative and old.
    After all, rock is more about attitude than musical ability…right?

  3. Scot Ferguson-Barber June 2, 2011 at 9:23 am

    dour and old I can buy, but conservative? Now you’ve crossed the line, Hagarty!

  4. Jimm Hillis June 2, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Ha! Someone called you old, finally they are not picking on me!

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